Latest from Mormon Land: Your dream General Conference headlines; are more anti-BYU boycotts coming?

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Latest from Mormon Land: Your dream General Conference headlines; are more anti-BYU boycotts coming?

Another push for LGBTQ-religious liberty protections — this time in Florida.

(Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune) President Russel M. Nelson arrives for the morning session of General Conference on Saturday, April 2, 2022.

(Rick Egan | The Salt Lake Tribune) President Russel M. Nelson arrives for the morning session of General Conference on Saturday, April 2, 2022.

By David Noyce

  | Sep. 8, 2022, 7:07 a.m.

The Mormon Land newsletter is The Salt Lake Tribune’s weekly highlight reel of developments in and about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Support us on Patreon and get exclusive access to Tribune subscriber-only religion content, extended newsletters, podcast transcripts and more.

Generally speaking

General Conference, it seems, is the stuff dreams are made of.

Our Mormon Land readers had no trouble crafting and sharing “dream headlines” they’d like to see emerge from next month’s gathering.

As expected, they ranged from silly to sober, hopeful to woeful and everything in between. We received more than 340 responses, and we’ll be trotting them out between now and the opening conference session on Oct. 1.

Here is the first batch. See what you think:

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— New two-member First Presidency announced: Kirton & McConkie.

— Conference Center to be repurposed for storage of gold bars.

— Apostles to retire at 80.

— Garments are only to be worn in the temple.

— Biden won the election; everyone stop lying about it.

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— If you plan to vote for Donald Trump becomes a temple question. If yes, no recommend.

— We’re building a temple in Jerusalem.

— Salt Lake Temple renovations will now include solar panels.

— Counselors in bishoprics to include women for the first time.

— Women priesthood leaders, sisters called to Quorum of the Twelve.

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— Coffee or tea? Church relaxes Word of Wisdom hot beverage stance to ‘in moderation.’

— LDS health law updated — Coffee is in; sodas are out (except root beer).

(Illustration by Christopher Cherrington  |  The Salt Lake Tribune)

(Illustration by Christopher Cherrington | The Salt Lake Tribune)

— Church asks for your prayers in how to bring gays and lesbians back into the fold.

— Monument announced to honor church’s first lady, Fanny Alger.

— BYU rescinds waiver of clergy confidentiality, vows to stop mistrusting faculty.

https://b5ff67de63283a333606b78c63c7a4f9.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html
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— ‘We apologize.’

— ‘I would like to apologize to the LGBTQ+ community, Oaks says in historic talk.

— A full disclosure of how tithing money is spent. Annual budgets and holdings are made public to all members via church website.

— Real estate holdings revealed. Church owns everything now.

— Church builds homeless centers in several major world cities.

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— Abuse hotline moved to social services, hosted by social workers; church ends hotline relationship with lawyers.

— ‘It’s all been said before,’ Nelson declares. ‘Let’s just party.’

— Church reconfigures all buildings for ‘drive-up’ tithing.

— ‘Multilevel Mormonism’ plan revealed. Members to receive back 2% of future convert tithes.

— Donny Osmond called to serve in the Seventy b

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